Tremor or Earthquake

April 17, 2010

So last night I was watching some soothing episodes of  “Malcolm in the middle” In between episodes I got up to have a smoke and as I stood up to walk the house moved?!? WTF?!? Did my withdrawals reach a new height of uncomfortable or was that real? I thought maybe a meteor was about to make a spectacular crash somewhere — nearby but instead after 5-10 seconds the house stopped moving and I stood wondering what it was considering I was feeling a little sick from taking my medication to late. Luckily  my Partner was in the next room to confirm it was a real quake a little one at 3.2 – 3.8 (different reports) but enough to bump my LCD monitor and make cups with tea or water in them tremble like Jurassic park. I haven’t heard of any injuries so it wasn’t to bad. Makes ya wonder if there will be more.

This was the first time I had experienced any kind of tremor. What a night. I went outside I could hear a lot of people on the streets talking about it, excited, scared in awe. I went back to watching ‘Malcolm’ and enjoyed the rest of the night feeling like I don’t worry over nothing.

Here’s one of the reports I found shortly afterward.

Adelaide hit by earth tremor

The quake struck Mount Barker, in the Adelaide Hills, about 11:27pm ACDT (Google Maps)

Residents of Adelaide in South Australia were woken last night by a 3.8-magnitude earthquake.

The earthquake happened at 11:27pm and people living within a 50 kilometre radius of the quake reported tremors lasting for up to 15 seconds.

The epicentre was close to Mount Barker, 40 kilometres east of the capital, in the Adelaide Hills.

Mount Barker resident Robert says he heard a loud bang when the quake struck.

“We heard a terrific explosion,” he said.

“We live right opposite the golf course and lots of galahs roost in the trees and they made nearly as much noise as the earthquake itself but it was definitely an explosion.”

Paul in Bridgewater emailed ABC News Online, saying: “Whoa! We just had what seemed like an earthquake go through our house.”

Meanwhile, Steven from Moana said: “Several of my neighbours came out into the street and said that their houses shook like mine did. It lasted for about 10 to 15 seconds.”

There have been no reports of injuries or damage to buildings in the capital.

David Jepson, a seismologist from Geoscience Australia, says while tremors in the region are not unexpected, this quake was larger than normal.

“This would have been felt quite widely, up to about 50 kilometres from the epicentre, and we’ve had a number of felt reports from the region,” he said.

“That’s basically shown that it has been felt quite widely across Adelaide city.”

David Love, a seismologist with the South Australian Department of Primary Industry and Resources, says further activity along the fault line cannot be ruled out.

“This is probably the largest earthquake near the Adelaide area for quite a long time, possibly in excess of 20 years,” he said.

“An earthquake that size will give a fair shake near the epicentre, its certainly enough to wake people up, but most unlikey to cause much other than that.

“There is a chance of more activity, I think the chance is fairly low, but we can’t rule it out.”

Mr Love says data is still being collected but the event appears to have occurred more than 15 kilometres below ground.

“From the reports that have been coming in it looks like it may have been a relatively deep earthquake therefore lessening the effects immediately above it on the surface,” he said.

The quake was felt around Adelaide and more than 100 kilometres north of the city as well as on Kangaroo Island.

ABC News 17/4/10

I really thought it was cool. I get excited over anything new, I think we always think we wont have natural disasters here and this is a reminder that this planet is still very geologically active. Maybe it was a bump to remind us to take care of it.

Family Failure

April 3, 2010

I have always been an academic failure, Now the light has shone on the fact I am the biggest family failure to occur. To the left I have my Older Bro he’s cool he has a wife and a beautiful family a house a job. There’s my Mum She’s an all round great and very smart person but distance and me being the lack of soul  my parents had wished for must feel like a let down to say the least. Then there’s my lil bro over in Japan, I miss him so much. He of course is doing well and has a great girlfriend and a huge future. Again making my parents explosively proud of their other son, On the right is my Dad who is an amazing person, very thoughtful and caring. Always been a fantastic Dad to me. He is married and it feels like he wants to be more a part of his wifes family then me and my lil bro. Sure he invited me tomorrow but I am such a let down for him and I’m sure the other family looks at me sideways. Almost like what the hell you bring her for? (Lets go back 10 years and beyond. My Dad my lil bro and me living together looking after each other and spending lots of time just filling the house with smiles and love.) Now everyone is scattered everywhere and everyone is well aware that I’m a wreck. Are they waiting for me to die, disappear, Change and move? I’m not sure. And surprisingly I’m still not sure if I really want to put up with all this much more at all.

Tommorow is easter and I have to show up with my partner only to be greeted with a hug and a comment along the lines how have you been? What am I supposed to say. I’m doing just great. Can’t drive, In pain, Anxious. Hooray how proud my parents must be that after all these years I can nearly make it to the shop on my own.

It’s not that I worry people don’t care about my mental and spiritual health. I guess the problem is I know certain people just want to push me aside and have a different family. This is where changing my name might help me. I am sick of the crap I have got for not being ‘normal’.

When I was last in hospital it was a private matter. My Dad called and found I was in hospital and said he was dropping in to see my step sister. At that time he said he wouldn’t have time to visit me in the ward. I mean wtf? Seriously. So he found the time to drop in. Dad and his wife asked what was wrong with me I told them. When I asked what was wrong with my step sister they said oh we can’t say that’s private information. This is  the biggest load. When ever I have a ‘private problem’ They all talk about it. When I go in a mental ward it’s talk of the fucking town.

Back to tomorrow and how the hell am I gonna survive the bitter looks of the people around me. I have done nothing to them. I’m just small and an easy target. They are big and don’t talk to me. Why am I still going? Because I really truly love my Dad and want to give him a hug and say I love you Dad but I can’t live up to the expectations that are wanted from me. I’m sorry I haven’t supplied him a grandchild. I’m not even sure if he would want to have anything to do with me then.  I just want my family to know I love them with all my heart even if I have been put aside and shut out. I still really love them.

Typical conversation leading to disappointment on a family’s behalf.

“Hi nightworrier how have you been?  (family member)”

me -I’m doing great yeh dancing, painting.  ”

(family) ” Oh thats great NW, So ya still dancing huh?”

Me -” umm yeh it keeps me happy and fit”

“hmmm maybe one day you’ll think  of uni and travelling and maybe finding a new partner”

Me -“yeh … right… ok.”

I am very depressed right now from the pain the trivial dirt that people roll in. I just want people to accept me. Maybe by changing my name or (something)I will feel like Its not my family that’s disappointed in me, I can be myself and not take the family failure card with me forever.



Nervous. Anxiety and Panic

April 2, 2010

I haven’t been able to hold myself still just to watch tv or sit and read I am constantly shaking and nervous. Its what I would rate as a medium anxiety feeling not too little but not so much its likely to turn into a panic attack. And before you think “oh don’t worry the panic attacks only last half an hour ” because after that I’m back to being nervous which is just a much lesser version of the panic. Still a very distressing feeling. I really don’t know what to do about this.

I feel like I am being supported more then ever in my life but  for a  reasons I will probably never know I feel alone and scared. Trying not to show it is tearing me at the seams.

I feel like running away. I don’t know how or where but just to survive without doctors and stress of everything.

The neighbours aren’t giving up. Throwing bottles on the backyard cement. I worry about my dogs. Why!!! Cant’ they just get on with they’re own lives and stop this kids play.

I am too nervous to go out tomorrow. I am supposed to go to a group but I am shaking and i can’t get my head around the fact I’m gonna have this pain for – Who knows – I just wanted a free life. I know others have it bad too but its all personal and a totally different individual view on life, pain and freedom.



Gonna try get some sleep.