I must start off with saying what a perfect young brother I have. Problem is he lives in Japan, which makes me feel lonley like something is missing, he is really the only one that understands me. When he got married I thought I’d hear from him, it’s been 2 months and all I do is worry, all these natural disasters, My brother is a little naive, this really bothers me.
He said to me I might not come back for 30 years, I don’t think I’ll move back to my home town though… That’s when my heart broke and I knew my chances of ever seeing him in real life just dissapeared, I am so glad he is happily married but if I never (On top of it all this has really done it.) I don’t blame him at all for the way I feel I just thought he loved me the same I can’t stand the thought I’ll never see him him again I am going to feel this loss inside that nothing will fill.
Everyday I think of him and I try to get on with my life but it’s not the same with him around. I feel like he has “moved on” and doesn’t need me, It seems more like he doesn’t want to face my older brother and that’s why he wont move back home. Why can’t he see we all love him and his wife but we want to see him again. And a 2 week holiday every 5 years, he will forget me. If I am nothing to my brothers and my parents don’t really approve of my partner (who is orphaned now) We have no support!!! I lost my family when I chose my partner, he didn’t fit the mold so I was disregarded by all, even threatened. I can’t get married my parents wont pay or come. Heaven knows what would happen if I had a kid. I feel like a kid would be kinder to me then the rest of the world but that’s no reason to have one.
Well I wish my brother a wonderful marriage and life. I do wish I could see him before the end.
5.22 am no sleep in sight for this screwed up individual. I’m now going to take some heavy tranx and hopefully wake up with a friend. (it will probably be walking down the street with a harmonica.)