Idiot of the year or 7 (years)

January 15, 2013

I have nothing to hide so I am going to share it. I didn’t want to use names but if we all keep quiet about the things in this world like war and personal vendettas. No one will be helped and there will inevitably be more suffering.

The meek in this world are prone to suffering and sadly we have predators who find them as prey, I am learning to stop the silence. Abuse can take on many forms and this one is particularly nasty, People who ask for help are particularly vulnerable and Some nurses find these people easy targets for whatever reason they like to pick on them and accuse them of the most outrageous things, tearing the patient open like an autopsy and not even attempting to put the pieces back together.

I will be posting my entire ”Mental health summary” up here today I think it’s time people saw what was written about them. About half the facts in this letter are false.Mainly because of one mental health nurse David Hains (He is only a crisis worker and cannot give out diagnoses) He has labelled me All kinds of things he has even Stolen from me and told me he took it After investigation it turns out he kept it and gave it to one of his kids!!! Had he done this to the wrong person the outcome may be different (He has put his kids in threat before himself, I see some very wrong things happening),

He assumed much about my life (All intolerably wrong, eg, Living on the streets- Never, neglected and abused by family-wrong again , Called ME a thief – I pride myself on respecting others and not hurting those around me, Accused me of being weak and getting raped by my friends!!! This is so very wrong, When I refused to answer anything he took them all as yes. And wrote it all down in his words and his sick mind, There is much more) This has caused me much distress and much more harm than good,

This is a story of an Acis worker that has lied about me and got himself a little print up featured in this week – ”Idiot of the year” Blog. This (Man) If you can call him that has sent me from hospital to his church to get better, Told Emergency doctors to ignore me when I had Ross River virus, He told them I was in withdrawals, (Of what? At that point in my life I was on panadol/Apap/Tylenol only) this was years before I got Trigeminal. He has lied to many other workers about me, Stood in my room and accused me of several things I had never heard of. He even put in the summary threatened to stab a medical officer for drug related reasons ( The so called victim Doctor is unnamed – because they don’t exist!!! – This is a non incident!!! Nothing but more lies to add to this summary)

A wide berth should be given at the sight of this man who dresses like a church preacher (Long white shirt down to his knees), He has short ginger/grey hair and beard, tries to have a scruffy look to appear jesus like!!! (I’m sure that is helpful to the schizophrenics (who usually yell out things like antichrist when he is in they’re room) Should you have an encounter with this man, Make sure you collect all the details you can I know in these situations it can be hard but ask for a pen and paper Do your best to put correct time and date (This goes for any mental health worker in your country city in the world) . Plus as many details he has written about you, He is acting like a fantasy short novelist instead of an accurate, caring, mental health worker doing his job. If you want help moving these people out of the system, You can email me at I will help and direct you to Some help that will clean up the mess he makes and help you get your medical history honest.

It is sad I have to actually name these people but if we leave them in the system they will make people worse, More people will be misdiagnosed and people like him will get away with unethical treatment of the people who need it most.

So later today I will show you all the things he has written down and hard stone facts. I will then clearly review it for you all to have a good look at and see the major problems Australia is having with these misfit mental health nurses.

I’m not worried he will read this, Firstly even if he does manage to google himself he then has to read…

So don’t be afraid to email me. I have some good information to share. What ever you Do do not call the Advocate!!!, Not only will they find ways of not apologizing for mistakes but they are actually the same church people as David Hains (of FMC Flinders Medical Hospital) (Acute Crisis Intervention Team) so they will always cover each other.

This is not to say all the other workers are in this category, there are actual real mental health workers in there that go above and beyond to help people they deserve medals for their work.

David Hains is a hindrance to the whole system and I would bet if he was out of the system entirely (He is a wasted paycheck) A lot more Patients/people would find they will actually be able to move on from the pain he causes. Possibly they can even find a life where they will never be sent to hospital and never need to go in voluntarily.  Like I mentioned he isn’t the only one there and soon he probably won’t find himself there much longer, Keep the emails coming in. This is how we make a change in the world. This is what will help hopefully hundreds or thousands from the sting of the wasp.

I have lost a friend forever directly resulting from his treatment toward her. I will never see her or get to call her again. She also had 3 kids who now have no Mother, Her Mother is in such a state since it happened 3-4 years ago. Every year I think of her and in my blog she is referred to as S.J for her anonymity. David refused to let her diagnosis of Bipolar be treated and called her borderline personality. Therefore no treatment. After both S.J and I left out inpatient stays we caught up often to help each other she told me everything, When I found out the reason she was no longer being treated because of her ”borderline” She said she was just too depressed to argue. I watched the results in detail on the news a week later. I still wonder why there was no inquiry into the Mental health worker. This is so very tragic and not the only one!!!

The past time they have given me has been interesting I have spoken to many of his old patients and found many common answers and some have felt quite aggressive toward him. This is where the mental health nurse should listen, I have warned other patients of his not to say a thing to him. (unfortunatly this may result in them getting another random diagnosis as he thinks he is a bit of a Bigshot with a 5 minute diagnosis (That could ruin or prevent the person getting the right help.)

Peace & Love Especially to those in need right now.

P.S I will be also be uploading my summary of the treatments and diagnoses of the person in question. I think it’s only fair that if he is going to put false information about me in the public domain, I as a citizen and victim of the mental health system should tell the truth.

I must stress the hospital is not to blame nor the doctors, Only 1 or 2 ”Mental health workers” that are doing much damage to people and the entire system. Like I say most of the staff there are doing their job and doing it well.

Please read my summary carefully, Make your mind on what you think the problem is even better if you can pinpoint where things are going wrong Feel free to leave a comment.

This site as of next week will be just

Enjoy the read, many strange things happen here.

Peace and Love,

Your Friendly loyal Australian Mental Health Blogger,

Night worrier

The Show

August 31, 2011

No not a show I performed in this is the annual Royal show, Show bags, Agriculture, Wine tasting, Rides, No money, That’s the gist of it. I’m sure most towns and cities do this all over the world, It lasts a week and u can guarantee no one has money at the end, Well I went in with 20 dollars bought a six pack of Ned Kelly Red Wine and felt my experience was fulfilled. I Happened to be asked by my friend if I would go with him to volunteer for a stall. I was kinda freaked but didn’t want him to know, I agreed to meet him there and sit in the stall selling show bags, By the time we got there it was already 45 mins late and yes there were a lot of people. I had my Clonazepam in my bag weather I was gonna take it or not was irrelevant I just needed to know it was there.

My old School friend walked by my side till the fire works which was a really good thing to see. I relaxed and enjoyed the few moments of coloured sky. I imagined It was in my backyard and I felt ok about the crowd at that point, After that My friend and I skulled our Coopers and had a good sword fight. These are the moments I live for, I really don’t get the career thing and I wish I did so I could appreciate these things more, But as long as everyone around me calls me a poor /slow girl it’s really hard to build a self esteem from nothing.

Thank you my friend for holding my hand in the tough times.

I enjoyed being with a person who didn’t see me as a light headed empty capsule shaped like a human.

Peace, Love,


Why Bother…

July 31, 2010

Have friends if they leave you when you need them most.

To get over mental problems when there is only a small chance your doctor will ever look after your physical ones.

Going to bed when the next day is a bigger let down then the  last.

Sleep, When all I get is nightmares.

To  Help when most of the people you come across would rather screw you over then help the mass ignorance.

Teaching the youth the right way when the Adults all get scared and throw accusations at you.

Start a fire on a cold morning When you know the meds make it impossible to control your own temperature anyway.

Giving a statement to police when nothing ever comes of it.

Move out when freedom is always in my heart.

Chain smoking with out a lot of whiskey.

Trying to lift the mental illness when it will be used against me for the rest of my days.

Quit smoking when I like it. (they say ‘life is short’)

Write a song when it will be sad.

Paint a oil when the angels will be falling out of the sky.

Miss my dead friends when it just reminds me about what we don’t have on earth.

Dance if there is no one to enjoy it.

To Wake up.

…Because there is still a chance of a rainbow tomorrow.



-Mother always told me be careful who you love

Be careful what you do ’cause the lie becomes the truth- MJ


January 1, 2010

I woke on the first morning of the year with almost  some relief it was no longer 2009  know they’re just numbers but so many scary/ traumatic things happened in 09. I’d like to get over all that and start over. So I’ve taken some steps to start a fresh. I got a new packet of Tyrosine I will take everyday. Not only when I lose it but every morning and night. If I want to recover soon I have to set some rules. So apart from the Tyrosine I’ll take my vitamins and colostrum for long-term health and Ganoderma for Neuralgia. I will make sure I keep my other meds clockwork. I will refill my MP3 player with some different music. I’ll try to paint dance or do something constructive  as I can. I’ll try to keep  learning something new.  I will eat breakfast as many days I can. Even try 2-3 meals a day. I’ll also try keep  my journal up to date as I need this to reflect on.

I’m happy with my friends but still trying to socialize again.

The crew and I are catching up  most days the weather permits. They really cheer me up. I love watching them dance they  look pro and have only been bboying 6 months. I just started printing the crew t-shirts. Each one is original in a way. I hope to do a show soon. When they are feeling it’s time.

I saw my Dad on NYE we got to chat for a while he was very relieved to hear I was on a new medication. I love to see my parents happy.

So welcome to the new year all, I hope if last year was a hard one this year gets easier and if it wasn’t so hard I hope you the same ease and peace of the new year.



Remember to do your part for the planet. xo Peace

Bout to do some gardening. Clean the dance floor. Have a think.

Still waiting…

October 8, 2009

I’m still waiting for an answer back from my doctor as to weather I can change medications now. I really need to as I have little balance anymore. I can only dance for a short amount of time and there are so many reasons I want to change to something new. I never thought I would have to wait 2 years for the doctors to be able to treat my chronic pain condition.

Today was a slight hell with a earthly outcome. I went to court with my partner to clear some things up. I was so anxious I couldn’t leave the house so I took more then my usual clonazepam to stay calm and collected so I could explain myself. When we initially arrived I thought I’d be cool and collected but as soon as we walked through the metal detectors I could feel an agitation in me that was not going to be held down. When I got to speak I told them that they were messing with my life and I didn’t need any more of it. I made it clear I would give the judge a bit of what for. I lost it. But still it worked out ok for all involved (most).

On another note the neighbors next door are still being a circus act and trying to terrorize the neighborhood. I have had enough of they’re antics/betrayal and destruction and have called the police (I know I’m not good talking to people in authority or anyone new in fact) but they have been excellent help and understand the dangers and risk the neighbors are to many of the dancers and myself. I am soon going to have to give another statement about some vandalism to my house. I am glad that is happening. I have that fight or flight feeling when I wake up in the morning and when I walk out the front door I can say fight is defiantly the winner there. I get worked up in about .01 of a second and If they walk near my house I have to use every ounce of strength not to kill them. I guess I need more self control. bah that’s so easy to say. I think I would do better with benzos. At least I have the police ready to act which is way better and smarter then giving them the much justified Glasgow kiss they all deserve. Either was everyone (dancers/friends other neighbors and us) will be more relaxed once it’s all dealt with.

The good news is my friends have been getting me out of the house for some fresh air and new sights.

7:30 My very good friend called up and asked If I wanted to go to the movies to see ‘Those inglorious Basterds’ at a 9:30 viewing  With some hesitation I agreed I knew I would be okay with my mate and not too freaked out.

7:35 I waited for him to pick me up as I waited my chest became tight and it was very painful a very strange sensation not teitzies something very wrong

8:00 One of the dancers put the blood pressure machine on me which was strange readings roughly 90 over 50 with a 90-98 pulse over 2 hours and not beeping in rhythm with a regular pulse. It was noted every time it stopped beeping I would cringe and fold my arm to my chest in incredible pain. I told everyone in the room no matter what don’t call ambulance I had to keep the phone behind me. They agreed on the terms if I stay conscious. Which worked out well. But on and off it’s still happening.

9:30 I look at the clock and look at my friends and partner who all have now stopped me from going out. And I wondered why my friend hadn’t shown up. He’s very reliable and I was starting to get worried.

9:35 My mobile rings and it’s My mates wife. She asks if I’m ok. I said all but a sore heart I told her T hadn’t shown up yet. She told me he was in hospital and had had a bike accident on the way to pick me up. She thought I was with him. I felt so bad and I can’t get it out of my mind.

A few days later –  I am wishing his family love and healing to recover soon. I have talked to him on the hospital phone and he is in good spirits even with so many breaks even his back. He is a strong person and will be up and running for his new little girl soon I know. XOXOXO

I have been having the crew over alot Floor20 (Klean, Chas, Damij, Merlin, Jester,Lil Z and the new guys) and they have been instrumental in keeping me fit and thinking. Not to mention my local community peer workers who probably don’t know how much a short conversation can mean to me, It always helps me think of the future. Something I think very little about these days. They also give me a step up when I’m under. I wonder when/if I will be able to do this myself. If I see it not working I will not waste the communities time. The last thing I want to be is a burden on society.

If things get too heavy I will do another re assessment of life and maybe stop the world and get off. Weather it means running away or something but the pain and pain problems are driving me crazy leaving out all the other issues – anxiety/depression/family issues/money problems and the rest.

Thanks to everyone who has helped me get to here. it’s been a rough road with many forks and dead ends. It takes a strong person to put up with me.

Lastly I must thank my partner for looking after me daily and helping me even when I have exhausted him. He some how gets it together to help calm me down.

So for everyone I love you.



-Reach for the stars-

New priorities

April 23, 2009

Life survival strategy Plan A

1. Dance

2. Paint

3. sleep whole nights (even if it means knocking myself out with Stillnox)

4.  I really don’t like this number lets skip it.

5. Play/write music

6. read more (happy things like astronomy and animals.)

7. Listen to chilled out music.

8. Don’t accept peoples bullying or guilt ways.

9. Spend more time with friends family people and pets.

10. Try more new things.

11. Make all the above happen. make it real.

After all this I should be by all means a very happy person. With only my normal level of anxiety maybe less. I will probably deal better with the pain even.  It’s quite a tree to climb and I am surely gonna have a couple of slips not every arm of a tree is as strong as it seems. I have definalty learned that.

I wrote this today because today has been hard since I woke up. I had nightmares in the morning and a bit of pain I was getting quite upset with myself and found myself in a place I never like to be. (no it wasn’t the naughty room…almost). A bad place in my head. LD* will surely carry this on.

I’m getting somewhere.



Thanks to all.

Hate to Live, Hate to Leave

December 11, 2008

Another morning of Ross river pains and a day of pretending to smile. Well I can’t hold this pose much longer. I’m gonna crack soon. My new pup broke her leg 3 weeks ago shes had it re broken since and there gonna do it again. This is costing $$$.

All the docs and psychs and them are desperately trying to help. but controlling me like a pet dog at the same time “In ya come” “sit down” “eat these pills” well I hope no one does the last thing there. With freedom comes happiness. These tight restrictions are confusing everything much worse. Makes me less want to talk to professionals. Ok they finally get it I have real f***in pain.) They want drug test s because they want to make sure I take my medication at the right times and I don’t forget or take other things I guess. But I really hate blood tests and they’re always doing them I’ve always turned out fairly healthy apart from the RRV.

I’m continuially starting fights with my partner and getting really angry. Much worse then I use to. I am so sorry for what happened I don’t feel like me at all anymore. I still remember how to act like the old me but I can’t feel any true happiness. I am still happy for others fortune and luck but nothing is lifting my spirit. Things seem to get from bad to worse. EVEN WORSE WHEN I FORGET TO TAKE DEXAMPHETAMINE.  I must work on my brain fast to relax or things are gonna get twisted and maybe worse.

I know I can’t say this having a partner at all but I feel lonely I miss my family and the joy they/we have when we catch up. They all live so far away and the ones left close are about to move to the northern hemisphere.

I don’t know/ what or how to think. Its like a one way dead end street for me.

Ill be having sometime away from night worrier but i”ll be back just a matter of $$$. I’ll prob get my line cut and loose a few necessities for my pup. I don’t want to leave the world now but when its so much financial, family, mental health (I cant even afford my meds), Physical (also uninsured( for lack of better name we have a slightly different system here in OZ) expensive meds)

I cant afford to eat which is fine because I haven’t been hungry in ages. At least my helper worker drops off some food occasionally well fairly often. I was happy with her help. She saved a few of my days from disasters I mean me vs other humans. I really wish I liked this world. I’m really utterly bored with life. My passion is gone for everything.

Been peddling backwards too long.

I hope everyone can see a light in there lives when they feel down. I wish I could help you all to see something. But I truly understand how hard things can be.