Back to what I loved

March 25, 2008

 Today I’m gonna indulge in a sport. Lift me up a bit. I already had my meds so wish me luck I’ll try not to be in line o fire.

Last night I had a nightmare. Can’t really remember it. But it’s still at me during the mornings and nights. I think the Olanzepine might be making it worse. It’s great to put me to sleep. Just staying asleep is the hard bit.



Being Good

March 14, 2008

 I get up every day take my tablet and get ready for the day. I try to keep up with everyone and be a good person. My mind is full of racing thoughts and I feel panic a lot still. I would love to Find a way of treating and fixing the TN but I don’t know what to do. I have so many bad thoughts. I don’t act on them though I really feel strongly about them. I haven’t cut for ages now I feel I’ve been good in that perspective. I went to the beach yesterday and walked around. It was nice but I still felt strange inside. I tried to cheer myself up with a sand sculpture. I watched people with they’re dogs. They looked happy.

I look happy on the outside. People think I’m happy. Thats the main thing. If they get worried they’ll think I need help. I’ll try keep my head as straight as I can. I’m sure my partner will notice if i start going downhill.

I find writing on here keeps me in check as well.



7:17am – Am I ever gonna sleep (day 3)

February 26, 2008

 Well once again I took my meds for sleeping I drank milk till the cows left. That was about 9 last night. I gave up trying to sleep at 3am. I was hyper, paranoid n yeh pretty crazy. So I promised my partner I wouldn’t do anything stupid or thoughtless. So he trusted me, That was good.

Feeling pretty delusional at the moment. What was that??? Sorry thought I heard you say something. I got1 doctor and a therapist to see today. geeeeeeeeez I can see stuff (that ain’t there). Should be interesting. Hmmm maybe interesting’s not the word. Don’t feel like swearing so I’ll stick with interesting.