Last Night

March 4, 2008

I couldn’t even move my lower back was in agony. My face (TN) was losin it too. I just couldn’t stand it. I think If I was able to I woulda gone outfor a long night walk to clear my head ( I was going slightly insane) I eventually fell asleep. Here come the nightmares.

Last night I had a nightmare I was living in a forest ( that wasn’t so bad.) I woke up inside my nightmare The loggers had been and flattened the forest leaving only wood chips and stripped logs dumped to pick up later. The others (don’t ask me what they were) were still trying to find a way to live there. I explained it wold only get worse – We have to move. When I woke up I was still freaking that it was reality.

It’s 2 hours later I still feel freaked out.



Ouchies – no actually this is real f**kin bad hurties

January 29, 2008

 So today I woke up at 5am with full on TN attack it gave me about 30 secs to a couple of minutes relief tilll the next grab. Lasted till just after 6 and it’s still on and off. F**kin unbearable. No other way of describing. So I’m seeing the doc anyway today. Not that I have come to expect indifference and a mere slight understanding from specialists among certain others I should name. At least I have a good GP practice that looks after me.

Just gotta have some faith in the system huh?

Keep on walking,



Finally a reason for the physical pain!!!

January 14, 2008

Well today I went to my gp. I got my blood test results today. It Showed that I have Ross River Virus. Which means I got bitten by a mosquito which had ross river.

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I think it it was around Christmas. It was a nice warm night when I was lying on the ground in the night and looking through my telescope. My friend said there was to many mozzies (mosquitoes) I stayed outside a bit longer and I think thats when I was bitten.

Everyone around me now is really worried I explained it’s not that bad it’ll only last a little while like a week to a month. I mean I have chronic suicidal thoughts, Depression for a few months now and anxiety and no one lifts an eyelid. But ross river woah now they wory and I’m more stressed and in pain. At least the tramadol is working a bit still and the serepax makes it much easier to relax and even sleep now and then.

So heres that thanks to the hospital for sending me home saying its all in my head. another one for the crisis mental worker that stood there and also said it was just stress.

Two docs did tests for polymyalgia then my gp did one for ross river as it has similar symptoms. It really hurts to type. Be back tommorow with update.

So if you get similar symptoms and live in Australia ask for a Ross river blood test.



Is it really just fake pain all over my body?

January 11, 2008

I asked myself many times maybe i can control it. But I can’t It’s there all the time and it aches all over constantly. My friend keeps telling me it’s all in my head. It doesn’t help. I am hoping for the results of the test for polymyalgia and rosriver virus (carried by mosquitoes). Either way I’m desperate for a diagnosis so I can start treatment for it.

It’s lucky I have a GP who is really understanding. I’m trying to stay strong and it seems only my therapist and gp can see that. Friends are telling me I’m being weak and not fighting it hard enough. I don’t even know what I’m fighting. I do my best anyway they don’t need to tell me.



Still painful.

January 6, 2008

I’m still waking up stiff and in enormous amount of pain through all my body and limbs … even up to my jaws. I’m feeling real sensitive. I’m getting very small amount of sleep at a time.

My Friend says it’s not real pain so I should just get over it. He does’nt understand at all what I’m going through. All the time.

It’s kinda annoying my partner too cos I wake him throughout the night sore in pain.

I really need to see a doc to help me with this ongoing pain. It is making me so sad and frustrated. Even more then I was before.

I’ll make an appointment tomorow even if I look weird walking in. ( my muscles are really Sore)