From the lowest to the depths of hell. I waited 2 years to hear from my brother my best friend the kid I love so much, He contacted me I was so excited and relieved and then he told me how insignificant my life is, How I am just not worth it. This broke my heart and left me unable to move or talk for days, Don’t even mention food, Then I see my psychologist and she says what they all say. He is a grown man. He can deal with things. I never thought I would be living this far from him. I never thought he would disregard me so easily. WHat is the point. I tried again, a massive overdose and woke in hospital but of course the mental health ‘team’ one person says I am doing fine and just need to relax and go to church!!!. I am 6 months or more passed relaxing. I was promised DBT 2 years ago. So I turn up for my appointment and they tell me I have the wrong day even though I have they’re card saying the time they refuse to look at it and take me into another room where I had spent 2 hours filling out there commitment forms just to hear them say you need a specialist and we can’t help you we will not consider you for DBT. I think death might be my only way out of this enormously shit situation. I don’t think I am sorry anymore. I asked for help I asked over and over until I was demoralized to the point I have nothing left. I wish just one person was close enough to talk to but this seems to possible be the very last post. I have not slept or eaten for weeks, I am in pain all the time. I cannot afford docs or meds anymore. I am on a very thin thread. Love to all. I hope you can handle it down here because I cannot. I will leave now. Thanks M.I and P.A for your ongoing help. I am sorry to let you down. Peace, I have had enough. I cannot sustain my life anymore. Your friend, Nightworrier. You are in my thoughts.
Ya’ll know who you are. The ones I’ve spilled my heart out to. They’ve been there solid for me. I have let them down by not being as with it. But they continue to help me and push me in the right direction. I’m doing my best to stay here. I love all you guys. Weather they be nurses or fellow bloggers PA thankyou. And Julian if only we could really meet. Like I said I love you all.
I would love to love halloween but with all those creepy kids n Adults out there screaming n flying around like witches I don even wanna sit on the porch for a smoke.
As for going to the doc today well. I really appriciate the help and she does lift my mood a bit but. I should be able to do it myself. I just can’t. It’s one of those things. I really don’t know if it’s worth continuing ‘life’.
I was at the hospital yesterday due to injuries relating to me trying to kill myself and my partner goin to all lengths to stop. Unfortunately this is not how the hospital saw it. The councilor said it was a typical case of DV. Yeah ok so I’m depressed because my partner is trying to stop me suiciding (makes sense). I’m gonna use this ‘jounal’ of these events so people actually know what went on. Rather then the text book assumptions many professionals and others have made.
I do hope to continue to be here long enough to see the light and have the dark clouds leave.
What really upsets me the most of this whole thing is. I know it will hurt my family, partner and friends. But I’m only here to let them know I’m ok.
I will always keep my real identity private but I’m sure when time comes people will work out who I am.
Peace, Love, Hope and Happiness be with you all.