A long Day

April 17, 2008

Today seemed very long I think it’s because I woke up so early and had a lot of red cordial. I painted, I played some trumpet. Played xbox.  I listened to music. I went out. I actually felt almost normal in the shops. One of my best mates came over for a visit. He’s been a good mate for ages.

The TN seemed to leave me alone a bit which was wonderful to say the least.

It’s now at dinner time I get all nervous and anxious. Yeah I’m gonna cave in to Oxazepam. At least I might get some more sleep. Maybe less nightmares.

I feel achy from the day but I feel a bit better.



Life goes on (Distraction)

April 13, 2008

Distraction, distraction and distraction. I can’t even remember basic stuff anymore. I don’t really have an appetite and I can’t really sleep so I’ve been playing a lot of Forza on the xbox. Nice game less killing and violence.  I’m staying calm as possible it feels like everything is too much sometimes yeah I’ve probably already stated that a few times in my blogs.

The TN is excrutiating in the morning.. So is the RRV.

Slowly getting use to the olanzapine, although I don’t think it’s working. The Valium works though  I just don’t like the fast tolerance.

I’m jus gonna keep doin ma thing n hope it all works out ok.



More paintings

April 9, 2008

Well to keep distracted from unhelpful thoughts I got my oils out again n painted. From one canvas to the next they mainly depict the amazing things in the cosmos and animals, I think maybe best to pst them up sometime see if you like them.

As for my sanity, I’ve had a bucket o benzos and olanzapine to get to sleep but i’m to paranoid to sleep. voices are really quite disturbing. The nightmares intolerable the anxiety of fainting is at an all time high. I reall don’t want to go out right now yeah well not at 2:30 in the morning. Tossing weather to have another olanzapine.

I’m totally hating this Trigeminal Neuraligia. If anyone reads this and think they can help I’d be very thankful maybe you have TN and know a special cure. My mate has it too he seems to know the ins and outs of what to do. He’s a great guy but maybe if someone may have some trick up theyre sleeve.

Ill try to sleep again. Just feels like my motor is ideling.



Big THANKS to Julian

Olanzapine?!? zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

April 7, 2008

What to say about this drug I. I definetly  put it in the 17hr sleep catagory kinda like seroquel. But much more dumbing. As in no nightmares but no memory of anything in everyday thinking. So I leave this post as is just wanted to let you know. Hopefully I wake up for my early therapist.

And by the way if ya feel like gaining 5kgs a week Olanzapine is the go.

*running on spot to loose weight*



Good morning. Even If I Have to Make it.

March 22, 2008

Well I got up early today to smell the gum trees and look for letters in a letterbox I know has nothing in it yet but just looking normal to the neighbours to some degree makes me feel not so bad. In winter I get the fallen branches and even tho it looks cheap it’s life and They’re good pieces of firewood. I like fires. I really do. In many forms.

I going to Dads today. so I’m making extra sure I’m ready for worst case ( panic attack or Trigeminal attack) both I get very uneasy and don’t like when people see me in pain. they usually want to do something but as so many doctors, mental health workers, people i know have told me to relax and it will go. bottom line is it happens when it happens and I’m doing my very best to steer my mental illness and pain away from other people. Otherwise I’ll get all anxious that I’m making them anxious. Plus they’ll continue to push me in to situations I don’t want to be in.

I hope the pain clinic comes up with something better then a knife or a new unknown drugs with unknown side effects

Life so complex. Yet when Im in pain I can only think of one thing.



Back in and Back out. Being Screwed up.

March 20, 2008

 I went back in. Wasn’t feeling good at all the doc wrote a referal for the hospital. So again sent to the naughty room. Sat there for some hours. I finally went out for a smoke as I was walking back one of the Mental health workers came over to where I was smoking.

We had a chat bout some things he  was understanding/Listened and gave me some antipsychotics and let me go home.

So I slept last night.

I feel like shite today. No motivation. I’m amazed I can write this. Well least I got 1 more tab for tomorrow.

Peace and Love,


Zombie me

March 12, 2008

So for the last few days I’ve been a zombie. Haven’t said much ate much slept much. Just been well…. a zombie. I don’t know what to do. I’m so confused, etc.