Sandy Stuff

October 20, 2008

When I go to the beach I can’t help but make sand things. theyre usually just a mess off sand after the dogs have stepped on them a few times but still. Good memories. Heres my sea turtle.

And My Old Doggie ‘Brusey Boy’ He was a beautiful boy.

Theres some of my playing in sand and in my way relaxing.



BTW more pics soon.

Just woke up

April 17, 2008

Well this morning I had to be literally dragged out of bed because I couldn’t move my legs. They were so painful. It’s been about 2 hours since then . I put alot of deep heat on my knees because they seemed to hurt th most.

So what to do today I’ll paint again as it’s been great for my brain. and I get a small feeling of satisfaction when I finish them.

I painted an angel I quite liked it. My friend also liked it so I gave it to her she’s cool. I’m so glad I can do things people like. I think inside my ego gets a bit of a boost when people like what I’ve done.



Another Beach trip

February 16, 2008

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Running half an hour late to meet friends at the beach. It’s me who procrastinates now. I checked everything in the house to make sure it was locked and everything was turned off. I checked over and over again ***king OCD. I hate making excuses for being late. I’ll just keep sticking with I wasn’t watching the time. The pain in my face is getting excruciating and I’ve been stressed to the max. Lucky I brought a Tramadol and a Valium. The combination does me about 50% painless (back, face and sprained ankle.)

Even considering I woke up unable to move my leg as it would cause incredible pain in my knee. It was so bad I couldn’t even get up to get painkillers. Luckily when it got time to get up. only a couple hours later I could walk with ease.

Well after a slightly stressful drive to the beach I notice the Valium is working. My hearts not racing and I can think clearer and more logically.

Things have been stressful since my Mum offered me a trip to Japan to see my little brother. Neither My partner or my Mum get along – It makes my life difficult to say the least some would call it a living hell.

Ahhh It’s still nice and hot considering it’s 6:10 pm we should be there by 6:25. My friends will be like well typical. Man I feel so bad about that.

We met up after 45 minutes of getting lost(Jeesh where would we be without mobiles.)

I got out of the car n straight away dropped my half full beer. It’s a tragedy but it’s also probably a good thing. Apart from it smashed everywhere. and I had to face my fear of picking up glass piece by piece.

As we walked (I stumbled) down the sand dunes I was having a hard time with my back, ankle knee and face (hehe reminds me of a kids song)

We sat there and chatted I went for a quick dip ( was a bit worried my cuts would show. I’m pretty sure people saw some, I feel like such a moron) with them we played with the frisbee in the water till it got lost. When we got out I felt relaxed and happy to have friends around. I also have a habit of making a new sand sculpture (not that what I do could be classed as art it’s I suppose expression) every time I go to the beach heres the days sand pic. Enjoy, laugh or pick on it.

Yep It’s supposed to be a sea turtle!!!

When I got out I noticed my dog had made some friends. A pack of Dalmations.

The excitment of the dogs was good too.

They played in front of us showing of for about half an hour. So cute.

It started to get a bit chilly n the sun was setting so we went home.

I felt very much relaxed at the beach. Successful therapy today.

It’s about 11pm now I had a quick kip. So I’m awake and for some dinner now

I was real anxious about eating so I had aanother half a val. Quite tired now. Been a long Day.

Goodnight, Peace,


Still painful. When will it go?

January 8, 2008

So today I took my tramadol as soon as I woke up to minimize the pain. An hour later I was at my therapists. I told her the whole story. She set up a good safety management plan for me if things get edgy. Another local crisis centre is sending me out a management plan so if we work together it should work. All I have to do is sign a contract. Well I see what it entail s even the fine print.  I don’t like to just accept something without knowing everything. Safety first eveytime I say.



Road Trip

November 5, 2007


We drove down south in hopes of doing a small job. Which turned out to be a big wild goose chase type job with a major lack of equipment. So my mood swings from being hyped up to do something outside to anxious to the max (so many bridges to cross). We drop in on a friend while we’re down there But I felt to sick to sit in a cold room talking or not talking politics. Felt sick as so went and sat in the car and watched a DVD. I sat there freakin out almost so much I couldn’t move to even get the valium. Just wasn’t handling it well. At all. I kept thinking . What are they thinking in there talking they’re probably wondering why I got sick and had to sit in the car. Ah I hate this worrying. I don’t want to be anywhere, See anything or do anything. It’s not the weather, the environment, the constrictive nature of human life. It’s everything.

So it’s the next day after squatting in a choice little house across the road from the surf beach. I wake up with a full panic attack. I reach for the Valium and last nights left over sarsparilla.


Walking backing forth for two hours didn’t make it any easier. I made a cup of teh and som mi goreng ( I love it. I think I’m addicted!!!)
mi goreng

But unfortunatly I just couldn’t finish it. I felt way too nervous.

After lunch I decided against the back ache and to take the dog across the road to the beach to try clear my head.

It was cold, windy and dark clouds coming but somehow I felt some relaxation. It was nice to see the lone desperate surfer trying to get some action on some nice dumping waves. Wel I mean it’s nice to see some one with passion and determination.


I walked back over the train tracks to ‘The House’ There’s still stuff in it the tennents have left behind and they drop in now and then to pick it up. I get so nervous when I meet new people. I guess thats the real reason I went to the beach. I really need to change the music on my mp3 player (same songs for 2 plus months) & I don’t even have a ‘random’ button on it. I really want to get home. Not because theres something I need or want but I really dont like being out of my comfort zone (which is about 10 metres). I noticed I’m running out of smokes but it’s not really bothering me. I have a strange feeling of not needing anything. Well It’s Monday I’m home and I’m bout to walk to the shop. My backs being a bastard but I gotta do it for therapies sake.