Doctors and they’re strange ways.

October 20, 2008

As you know I’ve been keeping the pain in my face in check with that huge list of medications. A riend introduced me to a substance used readily all over the world for pain but I was hesitiant to start due to the unpredictable nature of the plant. The plant Im reffering to is P.Somniferum. It has been the most effective relief I’ve had since being on Oxycontin. But It has downsides. Huge ones. It’s very addictive and when needing to stop. It’s quite hard.

A couple of days ago I admitted myself to the local hospital as I think I may have had too much P.Somniferum (Opium). The docs really had no idea what to do with me but check my obs every now n then and discharge me the next day.

Predictibly I took the same stuff to get rid of the majority of pain. But not really thinking I took it from the same batch and ended up in the hospital again. I had to see a drug treatment specialist to talk about going on a methadone program in my city.

The doctors had endless questions about the Somniferum. I didn’t want to answer anything. I feel like people see me as a drug fiend now. Rather then a person in desperation for pain relief.

I’m lucky I have a social worker I can explain this to. She’s really understanding and really listens. Don’t stop trying until you find someone you click with otherwise you may find therapy of any kind harder then it should be.

I have two new doctors to meet. A neurologist and a pain management/drug specialist. So soon with any hope I will have the prper medication and my pain will be at an aceptable level. Hey I might even be less depressed.

Much love,



One sock off (Benzo Withdrawal)

December 29, 2007

Squirming, sweating, crying, anxious again, vertigo. I can barely walk without holding myself against something. I think they expect I’ll get a whole lot better over the holidays. Without the benzo’s ……………….. I don think so. They expect me to get my meds every 3rd day. I have agoraphobia. It’s so f***ed. I called the local crisis again tried to get some help. Don’t ask me why. I need to see my doc soon I really need to.

BTW one sock off is referring to the fever that comes and goes. And the fact I only have one sock on.

Turns out this was probably Ross River Virus more then a benzo withdrawal.  But in any case my medication was ceased overnight by doctors and this was not to be expected.